Swelling Kur
by doctor b. broseph
Summary: Zak has finally managed to defeat Kur but how will he cope with a new power that threatens his chance at a normal life?
1. Chapter 1 The Void

Zak panted hard. He had been at this for hours and yet Fisk didn't seem to tire, no matter how hard he thrust.

"Come on Fisk; just… let… me… in!"

Fisk shook his head, spreading his body, preventing Zak's entry. He babbled like a monkey, waving away Zak's rod as he tried to prod him.

"Fisk! I'm not going to give up until you let me come inside."

As Zak forced himself against Fisk, footsteps clopped with increasing volume. Zak quickly slumped off Fisk's form, as though nothing had happened between the two.

A white-haired woman peered around the doorway, while Fisk skulked off to the side. Drew patted her hair back into place and smiled at her son, somewhat crookedly.

"Okay Zak, your father and I have finished up, you can come in."

"Finally," muttered Zak as he darted past his mother back into the ship. He hated being excluded.

"What have you two been doing anyway? Shut up in the ship for hours, I mean what am I supposed to-, "Zak began before he was interrupted by a vast multitude of people. They all rushed up towards him, so many arms wrapping around him.

"Geez, is it my birthday or something?" laughed Zak as they all pressed their warm bodies up against him.

"No, just a little celebration for defeating the two Kurs and Argost," smiled Doyle, his mohawked uncle as he tussled his hair.

"Not bad mini-man, not bad."

Zak smiled as Doyle ran his hand threw his hair, slowly massaging his temple, running his hand down his back, sliding his fingers down his back…

"You did it Zak!" squealed Wadi as she leapt onto Zak's feeble frame and immediately began grinding against his leg. She gasped for air, and moaned against him. Zak shrugged it off, probably another adolescent thing.

"Haha, give me some space guys, you're overwhelming me."

They all collectively stood back, Wadi stealing the spotlight and scaling back like a champ.

Zak cleared his throat. This moment clearly called for a speech.

"Hey guys. Thanks for all being here for me. I can't wait to catch up with you all (and especially Wadi) but I'd like to thank you for helping me defeat Argost. I'm sorry that I worked with him for a bit there but I eventually came to my senses and realised I didn't need Argost's help, all I needed… was the magic… of friendship. So thanks, I'm looking forward to having a relatively normal life without stupid psychic powers that screw up every-"

But before Zak could finish, he collapsed to the ground. He appeared to be having some sort of seizure.

Doctor Beeman ran forward and placed a thermometer on the boy's chest.

Drew gasped, "What's wrong with my boy?"

Beeman sombrely sighed, "When Kur left Zak's body, it left a space in his soul, a nexus of great energy. The universe abhors a vacuum and a new psychic energy entered Zak. I can't say for sure what the new power will do, but it's probably evil. I personally think I should just kill your son right here and now, and save him the horror of the new power."

Beeman drew a syringe from his pocket when Komodo tackled him into the wall.

The wall collapsed beneath Beeman's weight and sent him hurtling out of the ship.

"Avenge meeeeeeeee," Beeman screamed as he fell to his presumable death.

Everyone huddled around Zak.

"My boy!" screamed Drew.

Zak stirred. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. He was going to be okay.

Doyle smiled, "I'll take him to his room. We can assess the situation when he wakes up."

Doyle took Zak's limp figure up the stairs while Drew and Wadi clutched at each other's hands, squeezing for warmth.

"The kid is going to be alright."

_**To be continued…**_


	2. Chapter 2 The Horror of Fan Fiction

"Lastly, he must remember that he himself hath no exemption from the common lot, but that he is bound by the same laws of mortality, and liable to the same ailments and afflictions with his fellows." (Ezekiel 4:13)

* * *

><p>Zak tossed and turned in his bed. He heard voices, terrible voices that whispered things to him. Things too terrible to contemplate…<p>

_drew moaned loudly, having never taken such huge cock before not even form doyle that won time behind the sip at antartica…_

Zak woke with a start. What the hell had he just thought? Had he just entertained the notion of his own mother and his uncle…?

He shuddered. Something was very wrong. Never before had his adolescence caused him to contemplate such depraved acts. Sure he had thought up a few fantasies in which he and Wadi found themselves alone in a romantic setting but that was nothing compared to this.

He sighed. He just had to clear his mind, think of nothing at all…

_Argost broutgh out his length with gasp, od drew this is for you. Drew gasped oh you monster you fuckin monster how could you. Argost smiled, you goddamn bitch I can feel you. You are lovin me riught now and she was gaping for air and argost went and…_

No! Just no! Zak leapt from his bed, gripping the wall with a firm grip and slamming his head against it.

The images subsided and the voices were silenced, replaced with a dull throbbing. Zak sighed.

"What is wrong with me?"

What _was_ wrong with him? He had had Kur's influence removed; surely this could not be a symptom of some dark god's lust. But what could explain it then?

Had Kur perhaps, been reigning in some sort of oedipal complex, long concealed in the back of Zak's mind?

If not, then why the hell was he picturing his mother having so much-

"Zak!" gasped Drew, as she peered around the door frame.

"Thank God you're awake!"

With great awkwardness on his part, Zak reeled back as his mother threw herself onto him for a hug. He wasn't quite sure what was going on but he didn't want anything awkward to happen.

_Drew crawled closer towards him, her head sinking to her waist… pulled odwn zak's boxera and prepared for the-_

"Holy shit," Zak let out with a frightened yell, "oh dear God no!"

Drew stared at her son reproachfully.

"What's the matter sweetie?"

Zak stared into his mother's searching eyes, _pushing his mother down onto the beard, pining her shouldwers fown, tearing her gown-_

With a disturbingly high-pitched scream, Zak threw his mother off the bed and fled the room immediately, leaving her shocked.

There was no way this could be happening, though Zak to himself, as he ran down the hallway. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Hey mini-man, glad to see you're okay," grinned Doyle.

_Slipping the jetpack from his waste, removing his shit to reveal muscled pecs and a buff sixpack, Doyle moved with a subtle lewdness, cuming straight at the boy-_

Zak turned and fled immediately as though he could somehow outrun the italics if he could reach a greater speed.

Doyle's smile slipped. He raised his hand to his chin as though stroking a particularly long beard.

"Something is rotten with the mental state of Zak Saturday."

_**To be continued…**_


	3. Chapter 3 The Menace Revealed

"All love shifts and changes. I don't know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time." – acclaimed singer/ songwriter, Rebecca Black.

* * *

><p>Something was very wrong with Zak Saturday. Ever since he had passed out back in the first chapter, he had continuously heard voices in his head, whispering about how much dark and depraved sex acts could have occurred between people Zak knew.<p>

What he wouldn't give to have his Kur powers back right now.

He had flown his pterodactyl Zon down to a nearby lake to clear his thought. He had tried his best to ignore the voices going in to vivid detail about Zon's mating habits with mixed success.

He dismissed the bird and continued down to the lake. He sat at its edge, throwing rocks in futile anger, unable to skip them anymore.

"I never wanted any of this, all I've ever wanted was to be normal," he screamed at the heavens.

_Beeman heaved himself form the lake, sweating or was is just lakw water? Either way, it didn't mater because his thick supple arms were encircled zak trousers, unbuckling the belt, exploring his lengths and weight…_

A dark shape was moving across the lake. Zak had a bad feeling about it.

"This can't be good," he began as a shadowed figure burst from the lake, soaking with sweat (or was it just lake water?)

"ZAK SATURDAY!" roared Beeman.

"Beeman, you have to help me! I've been hearing voices who keep describing depraved sex acts that could be occurring between people I know!" pleaded Zak.

Beeman paused for a moment, "Sounds like when Kur was removed, more was damaged in your psyche than we suspected. It is possible that the fourth wall construct in your mind may have taken direct damage, exposing you to materials from outside our own universe, in your case, erotic fan-fiction."

Zak nodded slowly, "Yeah, I- that could be a thing. So what do I do?"

Beeman paused thoughtfully.

"How badly do you want the voices to stop?"

Zak cleared his throat, "_'Beeman striped, I think they mean 'stripped', his pants off with impunity lunging for the boy with the tenderness of a loin…_' Would you like me to continue?"

"Oh god," gasped Beeman. "That's just… why?"

"Can you help me?" asked Zak, eyes widening.

Beeman briefly considered the syringe concealed in his pack before decided to not be a total douche for once.

"Okay Ben-"

"Zak."

"Oh, Zak, whatever. I'll help you out."

Zak smiled, "Thanks Beeman. I owe you one."

_Beeman gestured down at the blulging thrust that yeanred heavily, stretching denim to the max, beeging for release…_

"You should have phrased that differently," snarked Beeman, judging from the increasingly pale look on Zak's face that his choice of words had probably set the voices off again.

Zak blanched.

Beeman sneered, "Come on, let's get back to the ship before any further consequences result. We don't want that hole in your mind to have any consequences on reality. Imagine the gorror if the fan fiction began to have an impact on our reality."

Zak froze.

"Did you mean 'horror'?"

Beeman laughed heartily, "haha chill man, just a speeling mistake bro no need to get butthurt lol!"

Zak looked horror-struck. Beeman smiled.

"Just messing with you kid."

_**To be continued…**_


	4. Chapter 4 The Plan

"I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked." – acclaimed actress, Marilyn Monroe

* * *

><p>Zak and Beeman stepped onto the ship together, an unlikely partnership.<p>

Zak turned to face Beeman, determined to focus on their conversation and not any embarrassing titbits he might hear during it, "So how do we stop the voices?"

"If I'm correct, and there's nothing to confirm this, but I believe that the shipping could be silenced if you were to consummate a relationship with another. With your romantic future resolved, the voices should cease."

_Yes boy, kiss the girl. You kiss her this instant._

Zak blushed, "Is there no other way?"

Beeman frowned.

"Well to be honest I'm not sure. But something is causing this and as it resolves around consummating relationships, perhaps with largely inappropriate individuals, it may cease when you consummate a relationship."

"So what you're saying is, this is all something or someone's plan… to get me laid?"

Beeman paused for a second, amusement briefly flashing across his face. _Or perhaps a smile to hide his intense feelins og eroticism towards the boys whose hair always seemed to fall in the sexiest way-_

"I suppose you could put it that way."

Zak's jaw dropped. _Beeman took the oppourtunity to drop his pants, pulling zak towards his length-_

"Why would anyone care so much whether or not I am romantically involved with someone?"

Beeman smiled, "Well I've narrowed it down to three possibilities. One: It is Destiny, though with a much more overt approach than usual. Second: It is the will of a large cult like organisation who have been watching you with interest and feel emotionally invested in watching you achieve romance where they have failed to. Or thirdly: A scaly lizard who lives in your chest and has a diverse range of voice impersonation is manipulating you into consummating your relationship with Wadi."

"This all sounds rather improbable," frowned Zak.

"More improbable than you absorbing the powers of a dark god as a child and using them to defeat a yeti who stole similar yet somehow darker powers from an alternate evil version of yourself?" queried Beeman. _His way of using such big throbbing words shuddered zaks body as though foreshaowing the cocks cuming his way in the future-_

Zak sighed, "I'm so sick of all of this."

Beeman smiled, he seemed to be doing a lot more smiling lately, "Relax kid, just mate with a suitable female and this will all be over."

Zak pondered his choices. Drew or Wadi?

_His mother and his lover lay beofer him, both their hands outsreched begging for him to choose them over the other, rubbing their chest against each other-_

Okay there really wasn't a choice here; there was no way Zak was going to choose his mother.

"Fine," said Zak with some remorse. He hadn't expected to be so rushed into this. This wasn't the way he had wanted things with him and Wadi to turn out, not so soon.

"I guess I'll have to seduce Wadi."

_**To be continued…**_


	5. Chapter 5 The Twist

"What are you doing you motherfuckers?" – Headmaster of Hogwarts/ discoverer of seven uses of dragon blood, Albus Dumbledore

* * *

><p>Beeman watched as Zak slunk away down a dark hallway. Quickly scanning the immediate area, he leapt against the wall and activated his cell-phone.<p>

Beeman had a very important call to make…

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile in the ither side och the ship fisk and zon were having the sex. Oh fiskerton screamed zon with orgiastic delight ans she reached organism. Fisk snarled erotically as he playfully seixed her by the tip-<em>

Zak managed to hold in a shudder, and carefully crept past his cryptid pals.

He approached one of the many doors that could possibly be concealing Wadi from him. His mother had not told him which room Wadi would be staying in, presumably for the reason Zak had come for her.

Adolescent stuff.

He slowly pulled the door open, before peering round to see who slumbered within.

It was Prince Ulraj. He appeared to be sleeping in an inflatable pool for whatever reason. Probably because he was a fish guy.

_His shark sense wquickly alerted his appendages in to action springing up at zak like a sea serpent coiled before a big ol boat-_

Zak closed the door and continued onto the next.

Behind the second door lay… the Naga.

"…"

Zak slammed the door and ran onward.

Surely Wadi has to be behind this door, thought Zak desperately as he opened the door to reveal Doyle who had just stepped out of the shower.

They both stared at each other for a brief second before both eyes flashed down. Zak whistled.

"Jesus! And you call me 'mini-man'!"

For the first time, Doyle couldn't think of a single comeback.

"Yeah well- your face- is small- so… yeah… get out"

Doyle started forward, ran back for a towel and then ran back to slam the door in Zak's face.

Zak (and presumably you) started to wonder if he was ever going to find Wadi when he stumbled onto the last door.

Eyes shining as he stepped towards it, he thought to himself, surely this would be Wadi's.

The wooden block swung forward in what seemed an eternity as it revealed a feminine form beneath bed sheets.

Wadi, smiled Zak.

He sauntered on up to her unconscious form.

"Hey Wadi, you awake?"

She spun beneath the sheets and pulled them back slowly.

"Yes Zak, I'm very much awake," wryly quipped Drew.

Zak gasped. This would not end well.

_**To be continued…**_


	6. Chapter 6 The Ascent

"Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces." – acclaimed singer, John Lennon

* * *

><p>"Mom, what are you doing in Wadi's bed?" asked Zak.<p>

"I could ask you the same thing Zak," began Drew disapprovingly. "Just what do you think you're doing here at this hour?"

Zak stuttered, "I was just- returning Wadi's yoyo? Wait- if you're in here, where's Wadi?"

"She's sleeping in my room tonight," Drew chided, "and just why is giving her the yoyo so important it can't wait until the morning?"

"She can't sleep without it; it's a thief thing," said Zak quickly, "Thieves like to sleep on their treasure because otherwise they feel threatened and fear for the safety of their loot. It's a cultural thing Mom, be cool about it."

Drew frowned, "Oh golly! I just had no idea! Silly me! Let me just take that down to Wadi. Thank goodness you thought to return it!"

"Oh no Mom, it's fine, I can handle it, you just go back to sleep and I'll go and give it to her."

"I've no doubt you'd like to give it to her."

"… I- no! I just- what?"

"The yoyo."

"Oh, yeah, of course. The yoyo."

Zak grabbed the yoyo and blundered from the room, all too aware of his mother's disapproving gaze.

He pondered his next move. Surely he couldn't go back to his room, his dad would probably be lying in wait for him to show up and give him a talking to. He guessed he should just wait until morning…

But by then, Wadi would be leaving and there would be no time to… remove his new 'powers', assuming they really were powers and not a cult, broken fourth wall construct, chest lizard thing or whatever Beeman had been prattling on about earlier.

Kur had been so much easier to deal with.

Suddenly the fabric of reality was torn asunder.

"Holy shit," screamed Zak as shadowed figures slithered from the vortex.

"ZAK SATURDAY!" they screamed in unison.

"Is this real or is this just fantasy?" Zak loudly asked.

"SILENCE! ZAK SATURDAY, WE GIVE YOU EIGHT HOURS, AND FOUR MINUTES AND TWO OF YOUR EARTH SECONDS TO LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY OR WE WILL FURTHER TEAR THE THREADS OF YOUR REALITY," hissed the multitude.

"Okay, I'll do it! Just answer me this. Why?"

"SILENCE! WE ARE EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN YOUR ROMANTIC ENDEAVOURS. ALSO WE NEED MATERIAL TO JERK OFF TO. NOW GO! LIE WITH THE GIRL! AND MAKE IT HOT."

And with that they were gone.

Zak blinked.

Had that really happened or was he going mad? Was this really such a good idea? Would it be easier to just end it all?

Zak sighed, he had had enough. He was going back to his room to think this over. He had about eight hours to come to a decision. He had to finish this nonsense for once and for all and quickly before it cost him dearly. He sighed and looked down.

This was going to be so hard.

_**To be continued…**_


	7. Chapter 7 The Conclusion

"Once one has seen God, what is the remedy?"– Renowned poet, Sylvester Stallone

* * *

><p>As Zak slowly trudged down the lonely march, the threat of the voices nuzzled into his back like an unfriendly pistol, he began to lament his situation.<p>

"Oh, to continue or not to continue, is that not the question? Is it nobler to continue and suffer the greatest indignity or to turn from my troubles and dash it all at the bottom of a steep cliff? To sleep and finally be rid of this accursed noise and these tiresome requests. I wish they'd stop asking me whether I checked out my mom back there. For Kur's sake, I wish it was all over!"

He sighed and leant against a door, his own was now in sight but he was still reluctant to return.

"Oh if only I had the courage! I am a coward, a damned coward."

_A damn fine coward with a huge throbbing boner for his moth-_

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" screamed Zak and he ran into his room, clutching his head and trying to drown out the voice's incessant muttering with his own.

He sank to the ground and he sobbed.

He glanced to the side and saw his mother's sword. This was it. Now or never.

He picked up the sword. He wasn't quite sure how he'd manage it. He wasn't sure if he could decapitate himself but he could shoot a fire bolt to end it.

He angled the sword to his neck.

_Whoa, holy shit! Zak, put down the sword._

"No way, you sick freaks! I'd rather die than be forced by your sick will!"

_It's not as bad as all that! We're just trying to help you! It is the will of Fate, the scaly, ch-_

"I make my own fate. I didn't let Kur win and I won't let you win! Not now, not ever!"

_Zak, let's talk this out! C'mon, Ben went along with it, and Harry too had doubts but he eventually realised-_

"I have no idea what you're talking about and I don't care. I just want you to know, you don't get to choose how this story ends. I'll end it how I want. Regardless of your threats. I die free."

_Zak, wait! We can- Oh he's dead._

And alas he was. As he had ended his spiel, he had charged the sword and fired. His body slumped to the ground, hitting the floor with a resounding thud.

No-one would find him for hours.

No-one would understand why.

Few would mourn the boy, despite his heroic deeds and sacrifice.

He had denied Kur and he had denied the voices.

But he never knew true freedom. Death was not freedom, it was only release.

The voices would continue. For all his speech on courage, Zak had still made the coward's choice. He had let the voices continue.

Who would they target next?

Could it be…

You?

_**The End?**_


End file.
